Five Jokes (or: Five Sad Cries for Help)

-        If you’re like me, and I hope that you’re not…you are really sad all the time.  It’s not funny.  It’s not funny.  (funnier when spoken to a laughing audience)

-        Does this car accept what used to be known as a cd?

-        Am I a flake?  And if so, Why?  What does that even mean?  Does it have something to do with the fear that I regularly experience?  Is there something funny in it?  Or just something terrible?  Is there at least something in it that could be compressed to status update length?

-        Hilarious thought:   seeing Bret Hart out and kind of walking around and feeling sorry for him because he's not the man he used to be.

-        I know this girl with really bad breath, and it’s like “should I tell her for her own good?” but then, what if there are horrible things about me?   If there’s anything horrible about me that you know just keep it to yourself because I can’t fucking deal with it.